I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
