My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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