I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
