Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
