how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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