I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
