Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
