He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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