I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
