just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
