oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
