just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
