Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
