i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize