how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
