I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think my mom watched the whole time
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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