he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
