they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
