Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
