Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
