So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
