google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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