I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
