I cockslap morals
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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