I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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