Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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