he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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