I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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