I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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