Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
