I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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