Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
