I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
