I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
