Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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