how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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