She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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