I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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