This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize