The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
