That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
