12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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