im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never joke about your clitoris.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
