There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
