If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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