You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize