I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
