she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
