I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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