Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
