You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
