I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
