standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
