Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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