I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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