Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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