i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
