i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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