I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
