oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
