I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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