Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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