he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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