Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
