Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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