Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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