Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
