If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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